Thursday, November 17, 2005

Vivian is mad at me

I found out she was reallly mad at me today. She was mad at the fact that I call her a "freaking child". I realized I call her that when we were talking about her situation with this guy where she is the other women. He clearly doesn't treat her right. He's still involved with her but about to marry his fiance. Vivian keeps on hoping that he will see she is the right one even though she is the other woman. She deparately needs him to do that to erase the fact she was betrayed by her ex-boyfriend who did leave her for the other woman.

I was just speaking my mind. I was trying to help her see the one right way out of this sticky situation was to leave him and get herself out of this bad cycle. She was talking about all sorts of things like ruining his life by telling his fiance. That's just a childish tactic (revenge) and will not help her heal. So I was honest with her and I told her she was being childish.

She took it to heart. She was very much hurt. She says she did not yell at me when I was being unreasonable complaining Noel doesn't call me everyday.

On the hind side, I wish she did. Perhaps I would wake up earlier and realized I was being unreasonable (I did realized my problem lies else where). On the other hand, I might react as defensive as she is.

What has this whole interacting taught me?

Was I being too honest and not consider the other person's feeling?

I do know I am not tactically enough. When I see the answer to something I just tell the other person. As I learn in the psych class that's not the way a child (or adult) learns. They don't learn by you giving them all the explaination at once. They learn by you giving them little hints and explaination and time. A lot of time to digest and then perhaps they will ask for more explaination.

Realizing the answer is far more powerful then taught the answer. Please remember this Jasmine.

Perhaps that's what went wrong with the conversation with mom. I was too eager to share answer with her. So it's not her fault she got defensive. I should not tell her not to get defensive. I need to stop being so offensive in my speaking and attitude.

I still don't like how she accepted the apology. I still think she is rude. But I have right to my opinion.

She might be kinder and polite and not offending and speaks with her guy everyday, but Noel is the one that married me and helping me find myself better.